Isn’t God the Answer?
Gert and Chuck were eating pizza in the corner booth when she looked out the window and saw a bumper sticker that read, “Christ is the answer.” Turning to Chuck, Gert said, “When I began to ask who I was and to question the purpose of my life, I thought God was the answer. I went to Mom and Dad’s church, but the people there and the pastor did not even seem to understand my questions. They were saying nice things, but I didn’t find any real answers there.”
Chuck replied, “My folks didn’t go to church, but I kept hearing about being ‘born again’ from some friends. I tried it, and for a while I thought I had some answers. When I was still unsatisfied, I joined a cult and lived in it for about a year and a half. I realized that they didn’t have any real answers either, so I left.”
Chuck and Gert are talking about the loss of another kind of identity. Not only have adolescents lost their cultural, community, family, and sexual identities, but they have also lost their religious identity. Let us look at what has happened.
They Knew Who They Were!
At one time belonging to a culture, a community, and a family meant that you automatically received a religious identity. The same word could mean either a culture or a religion. A Jew was one who was a descendant of Abraham or someone whose religion was Judaism. Teenage Jews in Old or New Testament times did not have to decide what religion they would be. They knew who they were.
The Israelites knew they were God’s chosen people from the time of the writing of the Books of Moses. “For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. Out of all the people on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be His treasured possession” (Deut. 14:2). New Testament Christians had the same concept. The Apostle Paul said, “for he chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight” (Eph. 1:4). “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).
This is sometimes expressed as the concept of election. Jesus said, “and He will send is angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather His elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other” (Matt 24:31). Paul said, “Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (2 Tim 2:10).
Closely tied to the concept of being chosen is that of being children of God, a family identity. Look at the verses just before and after the first two considered above. “You are the children of the Lord your God” (Deut. 14:1). “He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will” (Eph. 1:5). They were not only children of Abraham and children of Israel, they were also children of God Himself.
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Rom. 8:14-17)
Both their cultural and family identities were tied in with their religious identity. As a nation the Israelites were waiting for the Messiah. Notice the “family” words in Paul’s letter to the Romans: sons, sonship, father, children, and heirs. The Jews before Christ and the Christians after Him both knew their religious identity. They were God’s children.
Where Do We Fit?
Few adolescent Christians in our culture have the same sense of religious identity. They do not have a feeling of where they fit in God’s plan for the redemption of the world. They are not waiting for the Messiah, and many feel no call to tell others that He has come. Their religious identity is separated from their national and family identities.
Some countries have a state religion. If the government supports a particular church and most of the people belong to it, teenagers get their religious identity without having to think much about it. From its beginning, the United States separated church and state. The First Amendment to the Constitution states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Although we prize this freedom, it means that our adolescents struggle with their religious identity.
With this freedom, adolescents have to decide whether to be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or some other religion. If they pick Christianity, they can be Roman Catholic or Protestant. If they pick Protestant, they can be Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Assembly of God, or a variety of others. Even within these denominations is an amazing variety. In our town of 3500 people we have two varieties of Baptist churches and two of Methodist.
Even belonging to a church gives little identity. Many mainline churches decided that to minister to more people they had to be pluralistic. They now present a smorgasbord of beliefs and values, and people are free to pick the one they like the best. Rather than saying that one way is right, such churches say that many ways are—just pick one you like. When I hear that someone is a United Methodist, that tells me little about what she believes or how she lives. Membership in most churches gives little religious identity. Members of different churches may look and act alike—and like people who are not members of any church.
I Thought It Would All Be Different!
Some adolescents try to find their religious identity through religious conversion. Preachers tell them that if they are “born again,” they will be totally new. They seem to believe that a conversion experience will give them not only a religious identity, but cultural, community, and family identities as well. The church refers to itself as a community of believers in the family of God.
At about the turn of the century Edwin Starbuck published his classic on the psychology of religion. In his chapter on conversion he noted that it was nearly always between the ages of ten and twenty-five. That is, “conversion is a distinctively adolescent phenomenon” (The Psychology of Religion, Scribner, p. 28, italics his). He even found that conversions in women averaged about two years earlier than those in men. Religious conversion usually occurred at about the age of puberty, when people have the greatest identity problems.
Between 1899 and 1916 the average age for conversion and church membership was sixteen. At the turn of the century conversion, baptism, and church membership were seen as adult experiences. By 1955, the average had gradually lowered to a little over twelve. Of course, from chapter 1 we know that the age of adulthood (puberty) has decreased from about sixteen to about twelve, so conversion is still really an adult experience. The problem is that we now consider teenagers to be children (adolescents), not adults.
Some adolescents actually have a conversion experience. They are really “born again” and become “new creatures in Christ” (John 3:1-8; 2 Cor. 5:16-21). However, though they are children of God, they do not feel like it. Because they do not have a strong family identity in our culture, they have a “sense of identity” problem in being a part of the family of God. Since they do not know what it feels like to be part of a human family, they have difficulty feeling as though they belong to the family of God. They may have a hard time praying, “Our Father in heaven,” or feeling that they are “brothers and sisters” in Christ
The lost son in Jesus’ parable had this sense-of-identity problem. “I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men” (Luke 15:18-19). Of course, even though he did not feel like a son, that did not change the fact of his sonship, as shown by the reaction of his father when he returned home. His father ignored his feelings of a lack of family identity and treated him for what he was, a son.
Others try Christianity as a means of finding identity, but never develop a relationship with Christ Himself. Still others join a church because it is the “in” thing to do in their group (conformity), because Mom and Dad want them to (obedience), or because Mom and Dad do not want them to (negativism). All of these are likely to be disappointed and drop out. Conversion, baptism, and church membership give adolescents a religious identity, but not a cultural, community, or family one. Most teenagers expect more than a religious identity. When they do not find it, they quit.
One day while standing in the hall of our church, I noticed a map of the Sunday School rooms. The map had two fourth-grade classes, two fifth-grade classes, two sixth-grade classes—then the decline started. It had one seventh-grade class, one class for eighth and ninth graders; one class for tenth, eleventh, and twelfth graders; and one class for college students (all four years of college). In general, attendance at Sunday School peaks at about eleven or twelve years of age, then drops rapidly during the junior high years, and even more during high school.
They Know What They Believe!
Each year thousands of adolescents, disappointed at not finding identity in their churches, join cults. Ron Enroth has studied cults for many years and has said that probably more than anything else, young people joining cults are searching for identity and spiritual reality. Cults promise a strong identity, a challenge, and answers to the adolescent’s questions. Adolescents want answers. Even if the answers are wrong, they still want answers.
Most of those joining cults are from eighteen to twenty-two years of age—late adolescents. They are usually white, middle class, have some college education and a nominally religious background. That is, they are average American adolescents. The cults have much in common with evangelical Christianity and are often attractive to young evangelicals.
Jim Jones, founder of the doomed People’s Temple, was converted in a Church of the Nazarene. Moses David, founder of the Children of God, had a Christian and Missionary Alliance background Victor Paul Wierwille, founder of The Way, was a Reformed pastor at one time. Such cults often not only have doctrines similar to those found in evangelical Christianity, but they also provide an identity not offered by established churches.
Psychiatrist Saul Levine has thoroughly studied more than 800 “radical departures” in fifteen different cults. Radical departures are young people who abruptly turn their backs on family and friends to join a cult. They have appeared to be normal American adolescents. Suddenly they leave to join a commune and break all relationships with their families and churches. Although these cults seem to offer an identity, it is not lasting, and more than nine out of ten radical departures return home within two years. In fact, nearly all ultimately return when they find that the cult does not give the lasting identity they are seeking (Radical Departures, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich).
What Can Parents Do?
As in all other types of identity, your first responsibility is to be sure of your own religious identity. You may not be able to lead your teenagers to a primary experience with God because you do not have such an experience yourselves. You may have considered your own parents fanatics and have adopted a more “respectable” religious position. Now you are unable to pass much of a religious identity on to your adolescents. If this is the case, your first step is to clear up your own relationship with God.
Involve teenagers in today’s church. You need to settle in one church and stay there. It is difficult for anyone to develop a religious identity moving from church to church every few months. The search for a “perfect church” is never ending and leads to a lack of religious identity. A church in your community where other members of your family go combines a religious identity with family and community identities.
You should have a justifiable pride in your religion, your denomination, and your local church. Be participating members, and be careful of criticisms you make. See yourselves as part of God’s plan to redeem the world. Tom and Helen sent their teenagers to Sunday School but did not attend themselves. They refused to serve on the church board because “the ‘inner circle’ runs everything anyway.” They never attended Sunday evening or midweek services. Then they could not understand why their teens dropped out and did not try to find their identity in the same church, with the same God. It was obvious to everyone else why their teens had left.
Teenagers also need to have a real role in the church. As parents, encourage them to be on committees, commissions, boards, and so forth. If your church does not have adolescent members in such groups, try to bring changes in the church. These groups should have adolescent members with full votes and full responsibility to work. Teenagers should sing in the choir with other members, usher with other adults, teach Sunday School classes, work in the church library, and generally participate in every part of church life.
They may not be experienced enough to do some of these things alone, but they can work on a team and learn from others. At the age of fifteen Bert was chairman of the Prayer Meeting Committee. His committee of six had full responsibility for conducting the midweek service. Adolescents can often serve as short-term missionaries, where they function as adults. Remember that at thirteen Jesus, like other Jewish men, began participating as an adult in Judaism. He read the Torah in the synagogue.
The church should distinguish between adults and children, and treat adolescents as adults. Baptism, communion, confirmation, church membership and similar activities should be seen as adult rituals. If infants and children participate in these, such as in infant baptism, there should be other rituals for adults in the church. We always told our children that communion was for adults who had been born again and asked that they not take it until then.
Teach teenagers about yesterday’s church. Learn about the history of Christianity, your denomination, and your local church. Some parts of it will be sources of pride to you, and other parts will bring shame. Begin with the Bible, which gives some excellent suggestions to you as Parents.
In the future, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?” tell him: “We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. Before our eyes the Lord sent miraculous signs and wonders—great and terrible—upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. But he brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers. (Deut. 6:20-23)
The Old and New Testaments tell the story of the development of Judaism and early Christianity. Go beyond that and look at the church during the Middle Ages and the Reformation. Notice that Moses suggested this approach to teaching about the commands of God. Rather than teach God’s laws with a “because God said so” attitude, show how they fit into God’s plan for humanity.
Study the history of the development of your own denomination. When looking at that, we tied it to our own family history, combining a family identity with a religious one. We received a pleasant surprise and more of a feeling of identity than we expected. I could remember relatives of my grandparents’ generation (born in the nineteenth century) talking about our forefathers being followers of John Huss in Bohemia. They were driven out of Bohemia because of religious persecution, finally coming to America from Germany.
They seemed to be proud of this, but I thought it was silly as a child and teenager. All knew about Bohemia then was that beer bottles often called their contents “Bohemian Beer.” Bohemians seemed to be known more for their riotous living than for their piety. When our children became teenagers, we looked up John Huss and his followers, the Hussites. We traced their history without really expecting to find much of relevance to us, but were excited at what we found.
After Huss was burned at the stake in 1415, his followers became the Bohemian Brethren. Religious persecution followed, so they moved to neighboring Moravia and became the Moravian Brethren and finally the Moravian church. After moving to Germany, the Moravians had a profound influence on the religious development of John Wesley, who founded the Methodist church to which our family now belongs. Thus, we were able to tie family and religious identities closely together. You may be just as surprised at what you find in the history of your family and church.
While studying the history of our local church, we found that it began exactly a hundred years after the beginning of American Methodism. Our church celebrated its centennial the same year that Methodism celebrated its bicentennial. Your adolescents need to see themselves as a part of this history and as making history in the plans they are originating and carrying out in their own church and denomination.
Involve teenagers in “the church in the home.” Adolescents need to be given a real role in the religious life of the home. They should have a part in family devotions. Too often these devotions become miniature church services with parents performing and teenagers observing. Teens need to be involved in every aspect of home worship, from reading the Bible to commenting on it to praying and singing. Each adolescent should have his or her own Bible and participate fully in family Bible studies or small group Bible studies in the church.
Of course, if adolescents do not carry out their responsibilities as adults, they should be replaced as other adults would be. If they act like children, they should be treated as such until they act like adults. Be careful not to expect more out of them than you would other adults. Remember that all adults make mistakes and have poor judgment occasionally. However, when teenagers are worse than other adults, they should be removed from their positions of responsibility.
Expect your adolescents to have doubts about their religion. Do not throw up your hands in despair when they ask difficult questions about the church. Remember that this is the first time in their lives they can think abstractly. Just as they are critical of you and of their culture, they are critical of their religion. They can imagine the perfect church and begin to see inconsistencies in their own church and perhaps its doctrines. They can imagine the perfect Christian and begin to think that people in their church are hypocrites. Their idealism is carried into the church.
Although this may sound odd, see that your adolescents do not expect too much of their religion. In Jesus’ time Judaism provided people with cultural and family identities. Christianity today does not. Adolescents can be biblical Christians with Christian worldviews and have little cultural or family identity. Remember that the Bible does not deal with adolescence, and theologians have not developed a theology of adolescence. Your adolescents must realize that their religious identity is only a religious one, not complete identity.
Study cults. Of course, you are responsible for the entire Christian education of your children and adolescents, but learning about cults is especially important during adolescence. Since so many of the cults are very similar in doctrine to basic Christianity, teenagers need to know the difference between basic historic doctrines of the church and the heresies of the cults.
As Todd was getting into his car at the mall, two “Moonies” approached him. He talked with them and was impressed with their sense of mission and commitment. He mentioned it at dinner that evening. Rather than giving a stem warning about cults, Todd’s parents encouraged Todd and his sister to join them in a study of the Unification Church. Within a couple of weeks the teenagers understood the Moonies better and were not nearly as impressed as Todd had been at first.
Parents of radical departures face very difficult decisions. “Deprogrammers” have received much publicity and parents may be tempted to use them. As noted above, more than nine out of ten radical departures leave the cult within two years, and almost all leave the group eventually. The best course for parents seems to be to “watch and pray.” Not only is kidnapping illegal, but may also cause more harm than good.
This chapter finishes the part on loss of identity. We have created adolescence without giving adolescents a clear statement about what is expected of them. At the same time we have removed community, family, sexual, and religious identities. We should not be surprised that they do not know who they are. We do not know who they are either.
As parents our responsibility is to help them achieve a stable identity in our communities, our families, and our churches. They must see themselves as a part of society, not just as surplus people putting in time until society can absorb them.
2005 Update
This chapter addresses the loss of religious identity, and nothing has changed relative to that since the first edition, except the proliferation of independent “community” churches.