Solitary Sex
In addition to thinking about sex, most adolescents engage in some kind of sexual activity themselves whether awake or asleep. Adolescents have the drive to express their sexuality as a part of the sexual maturity that comes with puberty; however, since they cannot marry, that expression often takes place in other ways before marriage. In the next three chapters we will consider the most common kinds of sexual behaviors of adolescents, what the Bible has to say about each, and what people have to say about each.
Nocturnal Emissions
Adolescents who are not sexually active in other ways often have sexual orgasms in their sleep. This is true of a large majority of male adolescents (probably more than three-fourths) and a minority of the female adolescents (probably about one-quarter). While asleep some people have sexual orgasms, and they may awaken wondering what has happened. Other people do not even wake up when it happens. These are accompanied by sexual dreams in some people but not in others. Even if they did not awaken with the orgasm, when young men awaken they find the semen from their orgasm and know that something has happened. This is why they are sometimes called “wet dreams.”
If these orgasms are accompanied by dreams, adolescents may feel guilty about them—that they have sinned in their sleep. However, although people can control their thoughts while awake (as we mentioned in the last chapter), they cannot control their dreams while asleep. No one needs to feel guilty about their dreams.
When looking at what the Bible has to say about sexuality, I always find it fascinating to look at the Authorized Version, commonly known as the King James Version. At the time William Shakespeare was writing in England, Lancelot Andrewes was chosen to create a new English translation of the Bible. Just imagine him and the most learned churchmen (women were not Bible translators then) sitting around a large table 400 years ago translating Deuteronomy.
All has been going rather routinely until they reach Chapter 23. Here they face some challenges in translating the early verses. However, when they reach verse 10 (the only verse in the Bible clearly about nocturnal emissions), one of them proposes a first possible wording. Another one responds, “It says WHAT?”
After considerable discussion, they finally settle on, “If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come in the camp.” Not knowing a better way to say it, they say “uncleanness that chanceth him by night.” Of course, modern translations say is “unclean because of a nocturnal emission.” While sleeping at night the man has a sexual orgasm and semen is produced: nocturnal=night and emission=semen produced. And like the KJV states, it “chanceth him by night.” That is, it just happens.
Some adolescents think that “unclean” means sinful, or perhaps dirty. Remember that in the Old Testament the “unclean” means to be ceremonially unclean, not permitted to participate in certain religious ceremonies. Note that this “unclean” man did not need to ask forgiveness, only to stay out of the camp until evening, then wash and return to normal life in the camp. Note that many things can make one “unclean” in Leviticus 15, such as a woman’s menstrual period, and anyone who touched her bed or anything she sat on was unclean until evening. In Leviticus 22 one could become unclean by touching anything touched by a corpse or even “any crawling thing,” and he would be unclean until evening. After sunset and washing with water, he could eat the sacred offerings.
Having a nocturnal emission is a sign of sexual maturity, not a sin. A few people in the distant past concluded that people were sinning in their sleep, but the Bible never says that. Some early people even had themselves castrated to try to stop this “evil” behavior. I do not know of anyone today who claims that this is sinful or evil in any way. It is a normal outcome of being sexually mature and not having a regular sexual outlet in marriage. After you marry, you will find that nocturnal emissions will greatly decrease or stop altogether.
Masturbation
Most adolescents discover that touching their genitals feels good and that by stroking their genitals they can experience a sexual orgasm. This is the most common way for both male and female adolescents to have their first orgasm, and it is the most common sexual outlet for both during adolescence. More than 90% of male adolescents and about 50% of female adolescents have at least experimented with masturbation, and many do it frequently.
Masturbation is probably the most controversial sexual behavior in which adolescents engage. In some cultures masturbation is considered natural and just a normal part of growing up. In other cultures, masturbation is frowned upon, even considered a sexual perversion. These differences are also found among Christians in most cultures. What does the Bible have to say?
Unlike nocturnal emissions, the Bible does not have anything directly to say about masturbation. However, some of the particular wording of verses in the King James Version resulted in misunderstandings in the past.
Until about a century ago many Christians condemned masturbation as sinful on the basis of one or more of these verses. However, when you read these verses in a modern translation, you will find that none of them refer to masturbation.
Since the Bible does not say anything about masturbation, Christians in all cultures have taken a wide range of positions on it. Some say it is acceptable, and others say that it is not. Here are a couple of extremes.
In his book, Christian Counselor’s Manual, Jay Adams (1973, Grand Rapids, MI, Baker, pp. 399-401) titled a section of one chapter “Masturbation is sin.” In that section he said, “There does not seem to be any direct reference to masturbation (as such) in the scriptures....will not be mastered by anything....adultery of the heart…not presented as a Biblical option....it constitutes a perversion of the sexual act.” Note that he gives four reasons why it is a sin: (1) some people become compulsive about their masturbation; (2) some people fantasize during masturbation; (3) the Bible does not say that it is all right, so it must be wrong; and (4) he classifies it as a perversion.
In his book, The Stork is Dead (1968, Waco, TX, Word, p. 73, written for adolescents), Charlie Shedd titled one chapter “Masturbation—Gift of God.” In that chapter he said, “Which brings me to what I told my own children. What I taught them is that masturbation is a gift of God. What if this was a really wise provision of a very wise creator? What if he gave it to us because he knew we’d need it?...so long as you can accept it as a natural part of growing up; then you thank God for it and use it as a blessing.”
I said at the beginning of this section that masturbation is controversial. Adams says that it is a sin; Shedd says that it is a gift of God. People cannot be more different than that. In his book, Sexual Understanding before Marriage, Herbert Miles has two sections titled, “When is masturbation sinful?” and “When is masturbation not sinful?” So, what is a Christian adolescent to do?
What can adolescent TCKs do?
The Bible says little about either of these solitary sexual behaviors. Since the Bible does have one clear reference to nocturnal emissions, and they are not regarded as sinful, we can be quite confident that they are not. They are no more sinful than a woman having her monthly menstrual period or touching a corpse or touching a snake. There is no reason to feel guilty about having nocturnal emissions. As Christians we do not follow all the Old Testament rules about ceremonial uncleanness, so about all such experiences mean to adolescents now is that they are adults. They really are sexually mature.
Even people who believe that masturbation is sinful agree that the Bible does not say anything about it. Of course, adolescence had not been invented when the Bible was written, so that may be why masturbation is not mentioned. Since people could marry at puberty, they could express their sexuality with their husband or wife and would feel little need to express their sexuality in a solitary manner.
A century or more ago people thought that masturbation caused many physical diseases, ranging from acne to cancer. It is easy to see how they could come to that conclusion if they asked adolescent young men with acne if they had been masturbating, more than 90% would answer, “Yes.” Likewise, if they asked older persons with cancer if they had ever masturbated, they would also be likely to answer, “Yes.” However, the problem was that they did not also ask people who did not have acne or cancer if they had masturbated. If they had asked, they would have found that the same percentages would answer, “Yes.” There is no evidence that it causes any illness.
However, that does not mean that masturbation is a good thing that should be sought. Adolescents (and other adults) need to ask these questions about masturbation:
None of these things are really good answers about masturbation. Western culture has created a very difficult situation in which people at the height of their sexual desires (at least for the men) are not allowed to marry, so the vast majority of them masturbate as a substitute for sex with their spouses. You may ask, “Is masturbation a sin?”
I really do not know. The Bible simply does not talk about it. It may be that it is one of those things that should be avoided because it may lead to sin. Here are a couple of examples.
Likewise, engaging in masturbation may lead to sexual fantasy, which may lead to sex with someone outside of marriage. In addition, some people become compulsive about their masturbation so that they lose their self-control. This is a situation in which each person has to come to his or her own conclusion about what would be pleasing to God. Our culture has created this difficult situation without creating a clearly good choice, so each individual has to prayerfully reach a conclusion for himself or herself.
As you know from being a TCK, cultures vary widely in their view of masturbation. Since the Bible does not say anything about it, be very careful not to be critical about your host culture’s view, and do not promote as correct any conclusions you come to personally.