Modern Western Culture presents serious challenges related to maturity, marriage, and family. Changes in the culture during the last couple of centuries have produced disturbing trends which relate to the singles (unmarried individuals) growing up in it. I am most familiar with the facts in the USA where I live, so I focus here on current results occurring during relatively recent years.
During the last half of the 20th century in the USA and continuing on into the 21st century, the number of divorces equaled about 50% of the number of marriages. This did not mean that half of all those married for the first time divorced that year, but that the total number of divorces was about half the number of marriages. For every 100 single people who decided to marry there were about 50 married people who decided to become single again.
During the last half of the 20th century and continuing on into the 21st century, the percentage of babies born to single women increased. By a decade into the 21st century, more than 40% of babies born in the USA were born to single (unmarried at the time of giving birth) women. That is, out of every 100 babies born, more than 40 were born to single women. This is not to condemn single women more than single men—many of those single men impregnated those women.
These facts are not from surveys in which people can lie, but from counting the actual numbers of marriages and divorces and the actual number of babies born. This many babies were actually born to unmarried women, even when people tried to avoid pregnancy by using birth control, or avoid pregnancy by using oral sex, or terminated pregnancy through abortion. These disturbing facts are not cited to criticize single people and make them feel depressed or discouraged. Nor do they blame single individuals in Western society, but the culture into which they were born presents challenges to those who are attempting to live holy lives. To understand these developments one has to know what changes took place in the culture.
A brief history of the “invention” of the concept of adolescence and other major changes over the past couple of centuries is in Chapter 1. For those not familiar with these changes, the appendices at the end of the book elaborate on them. This history is given to help singles realize that one major cause of behaviors such as those above is their culture. Of course, this is not to simply blame the culture for everything, but to reassure singles that they are not alone, that their culture has created conditions making some behaviors far more prevalent and more accepted than they were in the past. It pushes them toward failing marriages if and when they marry and for children out of wedlock if they do not. The rest of the book is to help missionary singles understand why particular issues have surfaced, see what the Bible has to say about the issues, and suggest practical ways to face them.
Why write this book? Soon after I wrote a book about issues in missionary marriages I began receiving email asking why I did not have anything available about issues single missionaries faced. I had no answer except that I had not gotten around to it yet. About that time important books about singleness came out each year.
· 2008: Jeannie Lockerbie Stephenson published her excellent book, By Ones & By Twos: Building Successful Relationships between Marrieds and Singles in Ministry (ABWE Publishing, Harrisburg, PA). She had written the first edition in 1983 when she was single. More than a decade later she married, and after a decade of marriage Jeanne and her husband updated the book. It is an excellent resource for missionaries both married and single.
· 2009: Barry Danylak published his great book, Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life (Crossway, Wheaton, IL). This work develops a Biblical theology of singleness through both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
· 2010: Christine Colon and Bonnie Field published their thoughtful book, Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today’s Church (Brazos Press, division of Baker Publishing, Grand Rapids, MI). Celibacy has taken on negative connotations in both secular and Christian circles. This book promotes a positive concept of celibacy, not as “second best,” but as a way of life in service to God.
However, I kept being asked when I was going to write something for singles, so I have done so. This book neither duplicates what is in the three books mentioned above nor does it cover all the issues singles face. It does cover those issues which are unique to or heightened by those individuals who live in a culture other than their passport culture. I write it, not as one who has lived as a single missionary, but as someone who has talked about singles issues with single missionaries.
This book is written in short, independent chapters, not in any particular order except that Chapter1, “Introduction: Cultural Changes,” should be read first. After that, just pick chapters in any order that interests you. The appendices primarily elaborate on Chapter 1 for people who are not aware of the changes in Western culture during the past two centuries. They contain much more factual material and much less practical material. As with the other e-books on this website, new chapters will be added to this book in the future as they are written, so check back occasionally.
Finally, I could not have written this book without the help of others. Several singles reviewed a few chapters each and the following people critiqued or edited the entire book: Art Nonneman, Bob Moore, Yvonne Moulton, Nancy Stephens and CC (who serves in a restricted country). They each made many wonderful suggestions, and I accepted most of them. Of course, any errors in the book are not theirs, but mine
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